I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
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everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
His nipple licking is glorious
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