I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
