You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
