i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
