I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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