and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
