I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
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guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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