Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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