I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize