I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
