your parents love me but you hate me
I think I won the penis lottery.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
