I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
