Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
