I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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