I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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