my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
