We're facebook friends in real life
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
