My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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