Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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