My room smells like vodka and shame
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
