just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
