Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
