I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
