you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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