I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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