I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
