filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
