Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
