Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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