He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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