____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
