Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
