You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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