I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
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My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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