so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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