i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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