Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
