Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
