I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
