Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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