I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
