dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Found the puke drawer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
