Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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