what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
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Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
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Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So. Much. Porn.
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