im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
