a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
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Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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