I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
