bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
