Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
