How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
