so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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