maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize