it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
please come you make the beer taste better
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
