he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
3 2 1 whiskey
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
