i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
