Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
