i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
And then he peed in my hair
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