I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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