"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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