Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
