I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize