i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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