By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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