This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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