he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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