So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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