I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
