I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
