ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
