Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
